updates

[yestoday]

WOW. okay. happy 2026. my last semester of my astrophysics bachelor’s begins next week, if that answers where i've been the past four years. not that that means i'm almost free. (grad school applications looming ominously in the background.)

despite feeling like i’ve done nothing but rot and shrivel into a shell of my creative self, there have been a lot of changes. (undergrad does that to people, i guess.) that’s a part of why i’m a bit intimidated of reviving this journal. i'll need to revamp a lot of things here if i want to feel at ease using this account again.

the elephant in the room...

...is that i’m not as into k-pop, at least not like that, anymore. it makes me really sad to think about, and it took me a long time to accept losing such a huge hyperfixation. it felt like losing a large part of my life and my personality. there’s a lot more i could go into here, psychoanalyze and self-theraputize, but i think i’ve worked out most of my feelings about it already. i’m okay with it now.

those idols will always be important to me, and i know i still care deeply about them, even if i’m not caught up with every video and every instagram post anymore. i don’t watch survival shows anymore, and i only check in on recent comebacks of most groups every once in a while (maybe every few months… maybe longer).

i still love the beats. in fact, i prioritize them and their solos whenever i find myself dipping my toes back into the k-pop circle. i still love the tensions. i still have friends who update me on inklings of weiyoul dates. i love, i love, i love still. i still love them, and everyone i met when k-pop encompassed my life. my attention just doesn’t lie there anymore. no longer the apple of my eye, but i like to think they’re the berries in the surrounding hedges. i’ve come to terms with that, i think.

the giraffe in the room...

...is that i’m into anime now. (i know. I KNOW, shut up. it was only a matter of time, i know. the k-poppie to weeb pipeline is real, and it’s still claiming victims. it’s bad out here. it’s lethal.) this is why i would say my anilist is much more relevant now than any drama list website i had linked before or k-drama spectacle i tried making in listography.

(i haven’t watched a single k-drama since… well, the last one i talked about, probably. was it golden spoon? i remember i downloaded the second season of weak hero class to watch on the plane trip to taiwan last summer, but. um. i just never ended up watching it. i think i just slept.)

now, i’m not going to go on about anime for too long. i’m gonna say i have been hyperfixated on kaminari denki ryona for a couple years now, at least. (one look at my ao3 and you’ll have clocked most warnings you need to know before interacting with me.) and sure, there’s other twinks i like. sure. but all those extraneous details can come later. my fingers will surely get tired if i get started on two-dimensional twinks and girlfailures. that will be in another blog post, or none at all.

there are some constants: some things i’ll likely continue to talk about.

i still like goodnight moon and asmr. (“like” is probably an understatement. i’m probably more attracted to her than i was before.) a new channel i’ve been very into is mayona. i love her dark doctor roleplays.

i took a long, long break from fallen london, but i logged back in during this winter break and have been on an absolute ambition grind. i’ve probably made more progress in the past few weeks than the rest of the time i’ve had that account. i’m finally establishing a parabola base camp.

i occasionally hop back on genshin and other hoyo games. (did i play star rail yet when i was still posting? i know zenless zone zero definitely wasn’t out yet.) now that i have a proper laptop, i’ve been playing steam games more. sometimes i stream them, just as an archival thing, for myself and my sister. i’m an insatiable completionist and fomo paranoid, so i’ve barely finished anything, though. i promised my friend i would finish up disco elysium soon, so i’m focusing on that these days. the only things that aren’t documented on steam that i can think of are cookie run: kingdom (hopped back on recently for the final dark enchantress war!) and my hero: ultra impact (which i have an embarrassing amount of playtime on).

so: am i back? am i back? why am i back? holy shit, am i back? unfortunately, i can't give a definite “we're so back!”—though i can probably supply a few reasons as to why i'm making this post at all.

first off, the actual trigger that had me start typing this is… okay, hear me out: i read a peak, peak, PEAK bleach fic, and the author responded to my comment so quickly. they were so, so sweet! i then saw on their profile that they had their dreamwidth linked, and that instantly threw me back. to be completely blunt, i wanted to follow their blog, but i didn’t want them to see my outdated ass page the way it was, if they decided to look. lol… am i too concerned about appearances? yeah, probably. they likely wouldn’t even be looking in the first place. nonetheless, it was good enough motivation to make a post, which i had wanted to do anyway. (in the case that the author is looking though, uh… hi! thank you for the magnificent work!)

anyway, like i said, i wanted to revive this journal anyway. frankly, back in the day, i put so much effort into this journal’s aesthetics and organization that i cannot even be humble about it now. i ate this layout up, let’s be honest. it’s so clean and satisfying. and so, it felt like too much of a waste to leave it behind. this page was slowly growing more distant from me, with the contents becoming more and more out-of-date and not so representative of my current interests and thoughts anymore.

future plans? i don’t know; i will need to update my pinned post for sure. i have a new strawpage that is linked to my other twitter (my, let’s say, primary grounds of action these days… kaminari denki-centric, of course). i just need to figure out how to incorporate that while preserving my old pinned, too, since i like how it looks (rentry and all). maybe. we’ll see.

posts-wise? i’ve had some ideas; expect directional changes, for sure. and i'll definitely need to add an anime tag. it’s occurred to me several times over the past few years to post some drafts and excerpts of my fics-to-be, or even the ideas i’ve coke-ranted into discord servers and dms. i might still be too shy for that, though. whatever. the only thing i’m certain of is that there will be plenty of yappings about toxic yaoi and doomed yuri. the aforementioned adjectives for hetgems, even—if i’m feeling that freaky.

or, maybe i’ll never post again after this. who fucking knows!

Comments

[lydamorehouse]

Well, let me know if you have a pairing you want me to write? I'd write you treat! (Also, hello!)

[yestoday]

omg hi!! sorry late response, i don’t check my notifications here much ahh ( ◜𖥦◝ )

and DUDE that is so sweet of you?? if there is anything i could think of requesting at the moment it'd be more of #that dynamic of zarayumi (which you have gotten me positively hooked on and i have since discovered is devastatingly rather... nonexistent. fell on my knees when i clicked the tag and there were only 13 fics • ᴗ •̥ ˳ ˳ ) or or or just anything yumichika-centered, really, whatever inspires you! to make it fair, maybe i can try writing something bleach for you too!

but seriously, you've officially gotten me down horrendous for yumichika. i really got a taste of blood and now i can't get enough. lord. the gates have been opened. he's never gonna escape my grasp now. (along with fuckass HANATARO. squeezes him until he pops)